Where has my courage gone?

1 Apr

Seriously. It’s not good if I keep changing my plans. I am confused. But I’m confused because I know what people would think about the choises that I make. I really feel that going back to Denmark was a huge mistake. Well it kind of gets on my nerves that people (from my family) told me that it would be better to go back to Denmark because of work, money and education. I see their point of view, I do. But here I am. Almost a month has passed and I have only been with the one of my sisters, whom I live with. And I thank her for helping me out, since I don’t have anything. In other words, I don’t feel that I can trust the people who told me that they would help me somehow and when I arrive, they seem to be invisible in my life. What I wanted was seeing the world, they told me I could do that after finishing University. Well I could. I could also pack my suitcases once again and go abroad.

I don’t know what’s wrong with people. They don’t understand how I feel about being home. They pretend to be so happy that I’m back. But I feel melancholy about being home. Maybe because I feel that Spain is an unfinished adventure, yet to explore. Nor do they understand how awesome it is to live abroad. Well, just to be clear, I don’t hate Denmark. There are a lot of things that I like. I just don’t like live here. And how can I ever get another Dane to understand that? I don’t think it’s possible.

The thing is that my plan was to start study at the University of Copenhagen this september. My brain says that it’s best. But my heart is not convinced. I feel that I should go wherever my heart takes me. And since I’ve lost it to “that someone special” who lives in Peru right now. (Since we couldn’t be more time in Spain). In other words, my heart says that I should go to Peru. But people keep telling that it’s wrong. There is no education in a country like that, too much crime and so on. I should ask them if they ever been there. Because they haven’t. And yes, I’m being aware that this sounds really naive. But I can’t help it. Really. I wonder where my courage has gone? My courage to stand up for myself and take a decision.

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